[Short] Bribery and an Awful Lot of Death

This was originally an opening for something larger which will never be finished, but it reads perfectly well on its own.


Oskar had meant for the rock to kill Hans when he threw it.  He had not wanted the other boy dead — not consciously — but they had been arguing, and Hans had insulted Oskar’s father, saying he had raised Oskar as a delinquent.  A flush of anger had taken over him, and Oskar had flung the chunk of flint as hard as he could.  It had missed his classmate’s head by a scant three inches… and sailed over the low wall to strike the Schoolmaster’s greenhouse, where he cultivated his prize orchids.  The glass broke and fell, and Oskar knew that he was in a great deal of trouble.

What was worse, two other boys from school had witnessed the incident and they were sure to tell on him. Oskar had almost run away back to Sieben Eichen, but he clung — illogically — to the hope that he might somehow wriggle out of the punishment.

(In his mind, the destruction of the orchids was a much more serious crime than the maybe-attempted murder of Hans.  And anyway, he had missed, so maybe he had not meant to hit him.  Oskar was very good at throwing rocks, after all.)

By lunchtime Oskar had made himself so sick with worry that he was unable to eat, even though the lunchlady had made his favorite Kartoffeltaschen.  Oskar approached Hans, who was sitting with a few other boys, including Fritz, Oskar’s older cousin.

Grüß Gott, Verdammter.” Fritz said to him.  Greetings, reprobate.

Oskar sneered at his God-fearing cousin. “I am speaking to Hans.”

He put his tray down upon the table across from the boy he had most definitely not attempted to kill this morning.

“Would you like one of my potato cakes?”

Hans eyed him skeptically.  “What is wrong with you?”

Oskar shrugged.  “What is wrong with you, Barbräfelden?”  He bit back his temper.  “I would like to… not hear you speak.”

Oskar tried to communicate his meaning with his eyes, not wishing to discuss the matter in front of the others — to say nothing of his goody-good cousin.  “Perhaps I could… fill your mouth?”

His cousin was taking a bite as he said this, and Fritz began to cough violently, a wild smile on his face and his eyes sparkling as he waved his friend Heinrich off.

“Oskar —” he coughed, “I did not think —”

Schnauze, du Hund!” Oskar snapped.

His cousin’s wit was not appreciated, and Oskar felt his face reddening.

Hans asked, “Did you lick this cake?”

Nein.

Julius spoke up from the end of the table.  “Did you touch it with your penis?”

“No!” Oskar shouted, nearly grabbing the cake and hurling it at the insulting boy.  But he grabbed the edge of the table instead and held himself in place.  Julius was one of the two boys who had witnessed him throwing the rock at the greenhouse.

Hans licked his lips as he considered Oskar’s offer — a potato cake for his silence.

These Kartoffeltaschen were a sought-after commodity in the lunchroom.  The cakes were the specialty of Madame Göre, the new lunchlady.  All of her food was superior to that of the old bat she had replaced, but the Kartoffeltaschen were transcendent.  Savory cakes stuffed with cheese and vegetables and lightly fried, they were an instant favorite of all the boys at school, including thirteen-year-olds Oskar and Hans.

But she only gave each student three tiny cakes, served with parsimonious portions of sour cream and spicy sauce, so barter for them was common practice.  One cake might buy you a copy of someone’s homework.  Two, a volume of scandalous manga. And for three…?

Well, Cousin Fritz’s lewd comment was not without precedent among the older boys.  But one did not discuss this.

Oskar waited for Hans’s reply, aching amid the sounds of the lunchroom — murmured conversations spiked by adolescent expletives and the clank of metal silverware on trays.

With a sigh, Hans relented and accepted his bribe.  He slid one of the Kartoffeltaschen off Oskar’s tray and onto his own. Oskar breathed a sigh of relief, and his stomach unknotted.

Julius, several seats down, cleared his throat.

Of course.  Oskar walked over to Julius, and the older boy gleefully took the second Kartoffeltasche from his tray.

Cousin Fritz eyed the exchange. “ Oskar, what have you done?”

Dulya.  Oskar left his cousin and his friends and went to seek out Franz.

There was one more witness to be bribed.

Oskar was feeling better after lunch (if still a bit hungry) and by the time of their Maths class he was becoming convinced that he had indeed Gotten Away With the accidental vandalism of the greenhouse.  His mood further improved when their maths test was canceled because Dolph Kleitzen, a boy with notoriously low marks in Maths, vomited shortly after entering the classroom.  There was an awful ruckus and when the custodian sprinkled Vo-Ban on the mess several of the other boys claimed the smell was making them ill as well until the flustered teacher, resigned to the fact that her test would not be completed this period, simply let her students go.

So now Oskar had a partial free period!  His feet fairly flew out of the school building where he would finally be able to remove the smartphone from his bag (their use was strictly prohibited in school, punishable by suspension) and play games as he wandered over to the playground equipment.  He was too old for the equipment of course, but there were students at the school as young as ten years old, and what else was Oskar to do during his free time, homework?  Absurd.

Oskar twirled on the roundabout while playing games on his phone until another boy, Sebastian, came out to join him.  Sebastian was twelve, a year younger than Oskar, and this actually was a free period for him.  He wanted them to push one another on the playground toy, but Oskar refused, even though he had been quite happily pushing himself before.  Instead they both moved to the slide, an old open-top slide with gravel at its bottom and deliciously low sides.  They took turns going up and down it, enjoying a solitary amusement together.

Oskar did not have any friends at his cousin’s school.  His unpleasant personality drove away any who came too close.  Not like he cared.  In a pause between his games he had a vivid fantasy of returning to California and reclaiming his original governess, whom his pious aunt and uncle had sent away.  He thought often of how to win her back, aching with the need to see her again.

Sebastian was hesitating at the top of the slide for far too long and Oskar was about to reprimand him when the younger boy heaved forward and vomited down the slide.

Oskar shrieked in mock-horror.  “You’re disgusting, Sebs!”  The boy looked frightened as Oskar rounded the front of the slide to see him better — and he soon discovered why.

The vomit dripping down the slide was a vivid scarlet.  And not beets or cranberry juice, the oily red of blood.  Sebastian was vomiting blood.

His cruelty forgotten, Oskar shouted, “You stay here, I will fetch someone!” and then rapidly turned and ran towards the schoolhouse, his heart pounding.  A look back showed that Sebastian had fallen off the side of the slide and was now heaving his guts out — bright and red like fast-flowing honey.  Surely he could not have that much blood inside him.  Or if he did, it must remain inside.

He reached the schoolhouse with a cry, not bothering to put his mobile phone away.  And when he got there he discovered Julius, his cousin’s friend.   He was slumped against the lockers and vomiting.  The nasty slurry was coming out orange, like the yellow of vomit mixed with some blood, less than Seb’s.  There was a growing slick of vomit around the fifteen-year-old’s feet and —

Oskar knew that the orange bits in vomit that looked like carrots were not carrots.  They were chunks of your stomach lining.  When you sicked, some bits broke off and came up with the sick. But those were little chunks, like a piece of macaroni or a slice of carrot.  There were three chunks in the vomit slick the size of playing cards.  Julius coughed and gagged and another section, easily 8 centimeters on a side, fell from his lips.  The boy’s stomach was coming apart and he was literally choking on it.  Julius stared at Oskar with pleading eyes.  “Help.”

Oskar ran.  There was another slick of the stuff down the hall which he ignored, and more seen in the classrooms where, falscher Gott, two students were slumped over their desks, not moving!

He skidded around the corner and discovered the schoolmaster, the very one he had been so afraid of earlier, crumpled in the hallway amid his own bloody sick.  The schoolmaster was not breathing.

Oskar took out his phone and dialed 112 Emergency.

Later, after a breathless conversation with a shaken-sounding Emergency Operator, Oskar was just wandering the halls while the man on the phone wittered, surveying the carnage that had once been his school.  There were a few other students who had survived, crying and not knowing what to do.  He handed the phone to one of them numbly and continued to wander until he found what he knew he inevitably must.

His cousin Fritz’s eyes fluttered, fixing blearily upon him.  There was blood and stomach parts all down the front of his school shirt and he could not speak.  He reached out an imploring hand to him.

Oskar watched his cousin die until the flashing police lights came.

A Quadrangular Duel in Nebraska

Below is an excerpt from James William Buel’s 1880 book Life and Marvelous Adventures of Wild Bill, the Scout: Being a True and Exact History of All the Sanguinary Combats and Hair-Breadth Escapes of the Most Famous Scout and Spy America Ever ProducedEmphasis has been added for clarity.

UPON THE RETURN of the Peace Commission, Bill made a trip into the eastern part of Nebraska, and in the spring of 1867, fought a remarkable duel in Jefferson county, with four men as his antagonists. The particulars of this fight were obtained from a gentleman now living in St. Louis, who, at the time, lived within a few miles of where the fight occurred, and heard the details from eye-witnesses.

The origin of the difficulty was in bad whisky and ruffian nature. Bill went into a saloon—which was well filled with cattle drivers, who were half drunk and anxious for a fight—and called for a drink without inviting anyone to join him. While raising the glass to his mouth one of the ruffians gave him a push in the back which caused him to drop the glass. Without saying a word, Bill turned and struck the rowdy a desperate blow, felling him outside the door. Four of the rowdy’s friends jumped up from their chairs and drew their pistols. Bill appreciated his situation at once, and with wonderful coolness, said: “Gentlemen, let us have some respect for the proprietor. You are anxious for a fight, and I will accommodate you if you will consent to step outside. I will fight all four of you at fifteen paces with pistols.”Illustration of a Duel in Nebraska

There was a general consent, and the crowd filed out of the saloon. The distance was stepped off, and the four men stood five feet apart, facing Bill. The saloon-keeper was to give the word “fire,” and the arrangements were conducted in as fair a manner as four men can fight one. Bill stood as calmly as though he were in church. Not a flush nor tremor. All parties were to allow their pistols to remain in their belts until the word “fire” was given, when each was then to draw and fire at will, and as often as circumstances permitted.

The saloon-keeper asked if all were ready, and receiving an affirmative reply, began to count slowly, pausing at least ten seconds between each count: “one, two, three—fire!”  Bill had fired almost before the call had died from the saloon-keeper’s lips. He killed the man on the left, but a shot also struck Bill in the right shoulder, and his right arm fell helpless.

In another instant he had transferred his pistol to his left hand, and three more successive shots dropped his antagonists. Three of the men were shot in the head and instantly killed. The other was shot in the right cheek, the ball carrying away a large portion of the cheek bone. He afterwards recovered, and may be living yet. The names of the four were: Jack Harkness, the one who recovered; Jim Slater, Frank Dowder and Seth Beeber.*


* Yes, I assure you that this is really happened.

[ESSAY] The Length of Gallifreyan History

It starts with Pandora. Once I opened that can of worms—
Wait. No. It starts with Pengallia.  Her history is—
No. It starts with Morbius.

…But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Sooner or later, any hardcore Doctor Who fan starts asking questions like, “When did that happen, relative to something else?” And then, if they’re lucky, they get distracted by whatever just started beeping.

What follows is not an attempt to clean up Gallifreyan history; it’s an attempt to wade into the contradiction far enough that a shape starts to emerge.

How long is Gallifreyan history?

You can argue about when history begins. Does human history start with Homo sapiens (≈300,000 years ago)? With the first sapient beings (≈2.4–1.4 million years ago, if we use flaked tools as a proxy)? Does it start with the earliest cave paintings (≈45,000–65,000 years ago), or only with the first preserved writings (≈3200 BCE)?

Let’s simplify: Rassilon.

Rassilon
Rassilon, as he appeared in Gallifrey’s early days

Let’s simplify further: The Eye of Harmony.

How much time passed between the Eye of Harmony being seated on Gallifrey and the Doctor fleeing the planet, just before the series begins?

(History is not a rabbit hole; it’s a warren—full of turnbacks, multiple entrances and exits, and whole sections that have been sealed off but still exist.)

100,000 years. Or, to be more precise: 101,107 years.  That’s the official FASA timeline.

Rassilon hangs around for about 1,500 years… then a whole lot of fuck-all happens, including roughly 400 Lord Presidents, then Morbius, the “crazy president”, happens while the Doctor is a kid… and things start to pop off from there.

“Ten million years of absolute power — that’s what it takes to be really corrupt!”
The Sixth Doctor, at his trial

…Uh oh. Well, maybe he was—

“I will not die! Do you hear me? A billion years of Time Lord history riding on our backs. I will not let this perish. I will not!”
Rassilon, The End of Time

That’s, um… more, isn’t it.

Well, at least we can agree that 100,000 years is the minimum, right?  Heck, there was a definitive Doctor Who chronology called The Legacy of Gallifrey, published in 1985, and it’s been used as a reference by Big Finish as recently as 2025. It’s the cornerstone most of these other timelines are based on.

There are no explicit dates in The Legacy of Gallifrey, but if we map the known dates onto it, the span between Rassilon anchoring the Eye of Harmony on Gallifrey and the Doctor’s first departure comes out to—

*calculates*

~2,078 years. Oh dear.

Meet the Short Gallifreyan Timeline.  It’s the bane of every serious Doctor Who fan’s existence, usually without them realizing it.  And despite being objectively ridiculous, it’s been quietly used as a foundational source for official fiction for nearly forty years.

What Caused This?

The legacy of Gallifrey
           And so it begins…

Garry Russell.  Morbius.  Auteur.  All three, in about that order.

Because the biggest problem with this timeline isn’t that it’s short — it’s that it’s unquestionably real.
…and so are the others.

So what causes such a huge divergence?

The key point is that the events themselves, and their relative ordering, are largely fixed.  Roughly 1,500 years after anchoring the Eye of Harmony, Rassilon goes into his tomb.  The Doctor leaves Gallifrey 459 years after Morbius’s disastrous presidency.

The only place the timelines truly disagree is how much time they insert between Rassilon’s entombment and Morbius’s presidency.  Some place about 19 years between those two events. Others stretch it to tens of millions — or even a billion — years.  (Ten million is a popular compromise.)

Rassilon was the first President of Gallifrey.  Pundat III was President the year before the Doctor left Gallifrey — and he was the 403ʳᵈ Gallifreyan President.

So we can just divide the time span by the number of Presidents, right?

  • 100,000 years → ~250-year presidencies (average)
  • 10,000,000 years → ~25,000-year presidencies (average)
  • 1,000,000,000 years → ~2,500,000-year presidencies (average)

Is that helpful?

Two hundred and fifty years is less than a single Gallifreyan lifespan, and we know Presidents frequently serve across multiple incarnations. Conversely, 25,000 years per presidency starts to look wildly excessive.

We also know that Presidents after Morbius tended to have much shorter terms — he left a lot of chaos behind. Borusa was the 408ᵗʰ President, and counting forward from the Doctor’s departure, Gallifrey went through five Presidents in just thirty-one years.

Now, yes — the Doctor might technically count as one of those, and he never actually *served* — but even so, that’s a furious rate of turnover!

If only we had some context for—

Time lords dressing
“I remember the inaugural of Pandek the Third….”

TIME LORD 1: You know, I remember the inaugural of Pandek the Third.
TIME LORD 2: Really?
TIME LORD 1: Yeah. Nine hundred years, he lasted. Now there was a President with some staying power, what?
(He puts his gown on a coat hook, and a hand takes it away.)
TIME LORD 2: What?
TIME LORD 1: Staying power. Where the dickens is my gown?
TIME LORD 2: Nine hundred years, eh?
TIME LORD 1: I could have sworn it was here a second ago.
DOCTOR: Here you are, sir.
(The Doctor, in a plain T-shirt, helps him into the gold robes.)
TIME LORD 1: Ah, thank you. Most kind. Yes — very different from the fellows nowadays, what? They’re chopping and changing every couple of centuries.
The Deadly Assassin, 1976

Well, at least by modern standards, when Presidents are dropping left and right, Pandek III (not to be confused with Pundat III) serving 900 years was considered a good long stretch. They’re explicitly referring to a presidency before Morbius, back when things were more politically stable.

(The Legacy of Gallifrey timeline is right out — it would imply Presidents serving an average of about seventeen days.)

Does this mean FASA’s 100,000-year timeline reigns?

It certainly seems to rule out the oft-quoted ten-million-year timeline. In a universe where 25,000-year presidencies are the norm, 900 years doesn’t sound like staying power, even if terms have shortened in more recent centuries.

Actually — wait.

25,000 years ÷ 13 lifetimes ≈ 1,923 years per incarnation.
And that’s assuming those Presidents were elected in their first incarnation.

How long do Time Lords live, anyway?

An elderly Eleventh Doctor
After 1,200 years in this incarnation, the Eleventh Doctor could barely walk

Accounts vary about the First Doctor’s age when he regenerated into the Second Doctor. Some peg it at around 450 years; others put it closer to 900.

The longest-lived incarnation of the Doctor on television is the Eleventh, who lived for roughly 1,100–1,200 years before regenerating into the Twelfth. It’s possible that, with proper medical support and a less punishing lifestyle, he might have shuffled into decrepitude around 1,900 years.

Still, if we take 1,200 years per incarnation as a working upper limit, that gives us a total lifespan (without extra regeneration cycles) of roughly 16,000 years for a Time Lord. Does that hold up?

Are there any other long-lived Time Lords to compare against?

Well — there’s Lady Rowellanuraven, a senior figure in the Chronal Intervention Agency. She’s in her eleventh incarnation and approximately 10,000 years old, which puts her at about 900 years per incarnation. You *could* argue that she burned through lives quickly because she’s CIA — but she’s an academic analyst, not a field operative.

(Evidence here is admittedly scant.)

It’s also worth noting that, per The Legacy of Gallifrey, back when Gallifrey was pre-industrial, pre-scientific, and pre-regeneration, a typical Gallifreyan lifespan was around 300 years. If we compare that to humans — whose average life expectancy rose from roughly 37 in the pre-industrial era to 80+ today, with some regions reaching 100 — then tripling the Gallifreyan single-lifespan through industrialization and advanced medicine feels… right.

Which still gives us an average Time Lord 13×lifespan of around 12,000 years.

Even with extraordinary medical support, that makes an average presidency of 25,000 years very hard to sustain — especially since figures like Morbius and Morbius were exceptions, ascending to the Presidency in their first incarnation.

…Did I say Morbius twice?

Well — Morbius the Imperator was President #400-ish… but he was also President #3.

Not Morbius and Morbius II.  The same person.

Morbius the Imperator
Morbius the Imperator has an interesting relationship with Time Lord history

He didn’t time-travel into the past or the future.  Morbius’s mad presidency happened twice: once at the end of Gallifreyan history, when the Doctor was a child, and once at the beginning, shortly after Rassilon entered his tomb.

This all stems from the fact that Morbius’s placement in the timeline wasn’t clearly established when The Brain of Morbius aired in 1976.  Some sources treated him as a very early President; others framed him as recent history from the Doctor’s perspective. That ambiguity makes sense — the story is simultaneously a riff on Frankenstein and They Saved Hitler’s Brain, written barely thirty years after Hitler’s death.

The problem is that both placements make sense, and both are supported by foundational works of subsequent media that don’t merely reference them — they depend on them.

The Legacy of Gallifrey‘s short 2,000-year timeline tried to resolve this by compressing the two into a single Morbius. The cost was enormous: it effectively deletes most of Gallifreyan history, creates a world where Rassilon died only a few years before the Doctor was born, implies average presidential terms measured in days, and leaves no room at all for the 900-year presidency mentioned in The Deadly Assassin.

Modern Doctor Who has increasingly taken the position that both Morbius presidencies happened, and that they were not merely the same man, but effectively the same event with two distinct temporal placements — and then largely tried to avoid grappling with the contradiction that implies.

(With a few odd exceptions, like Dark Gallifrey: Morbius, which appears to use the short timeline… except that its TARDIS development history only makes sense if you quietly assume the Long Gallifreyan timeline instead.)

Are there any other options?

Yes — in fact, there are.

Big Finish’s Gallifrey audio series (starring Romana, Leela, and the Doctor’s brother Irving, set on Gallifrey in the years prior to the Time War) includes a passing but remarkable detail: a Time Lady called the Watchmaker, whose husband was one of Rassilon’s generals one million years ago.

Approximately 1,000,000 years.

That yields an average presidency of about 2,500 years — entirely achievable within the known bounds of Gallifreyan livespans.  And by the standards implied in The Deadly Assassin, a 900-year presidency under Pandek III, short by the sweep of history, suddenly feels enormous when every President in the post-Morbius chaotic era is barely lasting a century.

This same Gallifrey series also addressed Morbius — or rather, if we split him for the sake of discussion into “Ancient Morbius” and “Recent Morbius,” it addressed the former.

Because it turns out that the third Lord President of Gallifrey was not Morbius at all.

The third Lord President was Pandora, who took the title Imperatrix.

President Pandora
Imperatrix Pandora, a direct (if distant) ancestor of Romana

Like Morbius, she seized power in a coup. She was an aggressive interventionist. She led an army of offworlders. But unlike Morbius — who was ultimately sentenced to death by disintegration — Pandora was sentenced to be Erased from History.

And this being Gallifrey… that sentence is literal.

Gallifreyan history therefore contains a genuine void where its third President ought to be — followed, almost a million years later, by a rogue presidency that looks uncannily similar.

Time heals over wounds in the Doctor Who universe. But the wound left by Pandora’s removal healed… wrong.

If you travel back to that early period in Gallifreyan history now, you don’t encounter Pandora. You encounter Morbius.  Not a copy of him, and not a second version — but not quite the same thing, either.

Those two rogue presidencies are simultaneously the same presidency, and entirely separate events, unfolding under different circumstances in different eras.  The Dark Gallifrey: Morbius audios pick up after the execution of the third President Morbius.

So yes — it’s a huge mess. But there is an actual explanation here. We know what happened, even if we don’t know the precise mechanism. There is a paradox at the heart of Gallifreyan history.

So whose fault is this?

The Legacy of Gallifrey, published in 1985, was effectively patient zero for the chronology becoming so broken — and it was written by Garry Russell.  Russell was commissioned to produce a piece for Doctor Who Magazine’s 100th issue, and was handed the thankless task of making the existing references to Gallifrey’s history make sense.

(They don’t. They are literally incompatible in the specifics.)

The most serious problem with the roughly 2,000-year LoG timeline isn’t just compression; it’s that, given what we now know, it would place Rassilon within living memory for most residents of Gallifrey.  That implication simply wasn’t there in 1985; how long Time Lords lived was still unclear, there were no official timelines of any kind, and key lifespan data — including Lady Rowellanuraven in the FASA sourcebooks — would not appear until five months later.

The VNAs — the novel range that later fleshed out a more coherent Gallifreyan timeline — didn’t exist yet. Russell knew this, and he left himself an out: The Legacy of Gallifrey is, in-universe, based on recovered scrolls by Postar the Perfidious, a Gallifreyan historian.  And there are enough odd asides and strange elements in the text to make it clear that this account is meant to be read as the work of an unreliable narrator.

The problem is that, in the absence of any other official history (and presented in a major anniversary publication) that unreliable account nonetheless became the foundation for a great deal of subsequent fiction. When there is no alternative source, the unreliable one becomes the primary source.

Auteur is a living skeleton in a scribe's robe
Auteur (likely Postar the Perfidious) treats history like a wiki to be edited

And Postar the Perfidious is almost certainly an earlier incarnation of a (former) Time Lord later known as Auteur — also sometimes called the Perfidious — who served as an archivist on Gallifrey in his past.  Auteur, like his fellow Time Lord The Chronicler, is able to alter history as he writes the record of it.

So who broke Gallifreyan history?

A careless hand with a feathered quill, green ink, and a marginal note that reads:

« 𝓘𝓶𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻 𝓮𝓽 𝓘𝓶𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓻𝓲𝔁 ? 𝓒𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓽 𝓼𝓾̂𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓵𝓪 𝓶𝓮̂𝓶𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮, 𝓷𝓸𝓷 ? »

The damage is done. And we have mostly unraveled it.

But if Gallifreyan history really spans one million years, how do we explain the Sixth Doctor’s claim that it encompasses *“ten million years of absolute power”?

Well…

Maybe their history is bigger on the inside.


𝓟𝓸𝓼𝓽𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽:

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓮𝓾𝓻 𝓱𝓪𝓼 𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟔. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓯 𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷, 𝓘’𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓫𝓾𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲𝓽.

 

Dwarves of Haganistan

 

Dwarves of Haganistan
by Ryan Fogarty
Edited by Aristde Twain

Post-Apocalyptic Ireland
(The Present)

THE CLONE LEGION was on the move.  A line of short figures clad in orange and grey battle armour made their way across the landscape wending their way through ashy, blasted hills broken up by ugly patches of scrub.

A wolf watched them from the distance.  His ears were down, and he was keeping very still.

Lieutenant Commander Skez consulted his multiscanner.  “Eyes aware, we are approaching the battle zone!”

Commander Kroft nodded and raised his fist.  “Our enemies today may be clones, but that means they all have the same weakness!  Unlike we, who have only strengths!”

A rough cheer went up down the line.  The Clone Legion was made up of short, stocky dwarves — abkaveech, whose ancestors had been engineered for a heavy-gravity world.  It made them stronger and more durable; the most effective soldiers in the Galaxy, no less!  Their troop included two Luvans with lumpy grey skin used as pack mules, and a single mole-like trivial to handle unimportant administrative tasks.  The Luvans gave no expression, but the mole-like valet cheered along with the soldiers with an inappropriate smile plastered upon his idiot face.

Skez disliked having other species among their troop, even if only for dedicated tasks.  Beside him, technician Sturm was guiding a quartet of silvery reconnaissance drones that circled far above.  Like all equipment in the  Twelfth Battle Fleet, the drones were armed; their species believed in reconnaissance in force.

“Sturm, report!”

“Sir! All readings are clear.  No enemy on scanners yet.”

“Excellent!”

The wolf glanced about a mile ahead of the troopers, where a squad of eight hooded soldiers were lying in ambush concealed under the brambled vegetation.

The action would begin soon, and it might be wise for the wolf to get far enough away to avoid stray shots.

Our Genes Dominate

Under a pitiless orange sky, tinged brine-bloody by the dust of burning jungle trees there hid a city older than any from the hand of Man. Built into caverns and connected via magma tubes, the city of Kôr was unseen and unwitnessed. A shadow world underground that played host to an ancient splinter of a more-ancient civilization….

Amina clenched into a painful ball, a yell of pure agony rising from her throat as she clutched her belly.

Zawadi helped her onto a stone table once the pain passed.

“It’s too soon!” said Amina.

“Hush child, hold still!” Zawadi took out the implements of her craft — the pointed rings and stones — and pressed a golden plate over her eye. The iPatch™ flickered to life and showed glowing readouts and information overlaid over her patient.

“Auntie — ”

“It’s just an early — ha.” she finished flatly. The stones held against her patient’s belly came to a total stop.

Amina grabbed her hands. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. It’s just not right.”

Amina wailed and clutched her stomach. “What do you mean?”

“There has been a hormone shift, which happens sometimes. Desired physionomy is registering recessive.”

“So adjust the hormones!” snapped Amina.

Zawadi bade her to relax and lay out, holding her hand during the next false contraction. “Your body is trying to warn you.”

Amina grimaced through her pain. “Whatever it takes!”

Slack, and probing fingers moving the sensors around her swelling belly. Anna was just starting to show, there were months left in development to correct things as long as….

She whistled to the next room. “Summon Hiya!”

Amina wailed.

***

Hiya took the biomass to the incinerator.

It was not too long a walk, but long enough for introspection.

There was no ritual or ceremony to such disposals, but always a palpable sense of regret and a wish that things had developed differently.

“I am sorry little sister. But our order must be merciless with ourselves so survive on this Earth.”

She entered the cavern of fire without slowing. Many times had she walked this path.

“I have gotten dressed for you little one. All my makeup and finery to see you off. Your first duty was sacrifice and that is always sad. But we do this together.

She placed the tray delicately on the stone grating. The distant rumble of a slow pulse beat deep below. She stepped back as the fire built.

Soon there flamed out an effulgence that sparked from red to rainbow-banded wings of flame circling upwards — a pillar of fire releasing the Flame of Life. It engulfed the surgical tray, burning away the sadness and leaving only duty.

“To continue,” Hiya swore to the flames. “Our genes must dominate.”

 

copyright notice:
Kôr, Hiya, and the Flame of Life originate from the H. Rider Haggard story She, originally published in 1887, which is now in the public domain.

 

The Corpseman’s Tale

I wake up to the soft radio static tuned to zero station. There’s a burr of voices nearly discernable above the red numbers which mark the morning and order me to get up.

God made half of humans active in the morning and half in the evening so that someone could be on watch at all times. So humans make being not being a morning person a moral failing. Me, I’m not much of either. Display on the thermostat set for too cold, but I don’t rightly feel it. (What are hours for me? No circadian rhythm anymore. The dead of night I suppose? But still, we keep office hours so the clock is master.)

A quick shower, setting my wet-radio for actual music and then fresh liquid bandage for my knuckles. Television on and I check my phone while not making breakfast.

I wish I could have a cigarette. I want a jacket that smells like cigarette breaks.

Television off but my flat opens onto a boulevard and I can see the opposite street where an antique tube television is showing the trailer for Ocean of Noise. People move in regimented ant-colony lines according to lighted signs, making way for car traffic that was given priority over pedestrians in the 1930s when auto manufacturers invented the crime of ‘jaywalking’. I wonder what new crime self-driving cars will invent to justify their own industries’ failings?

A coffee shop. Nose burned out, can’t stand to drink it but the barrista is friendly. I ignore the digital menus and ask for a latte with ‘my usual surprise’. It comes back with a Scottie dog’s smiling face etched in the foam on the top and I smile at her.

I carry the coffee with me, staring at it. Imagining the dog, dashing ahead of the ant-lines and the people staring at their phones, shocking them out of their complacency. A female college student is scowling because her touchscreen phone has a cracked screen and a jagged purple mark intruding across its display like a broken eye. It responds only sullenly to multiple furious pokes.

A car could hit her if the crowd wasn’t guiding her steps.

Stock market banners proclaim the imaginary heartbeat of an economy recovering without bringing back jobs. On the bay tourist kiosks follow me down the elevator to work, where I sit and stare at computers.

There are some breaks. I get to feed our flying pet. “Come here Beloved. You get a lunch break, eh?” She has a tracking bracelet these days with a little green display that winks at me. Later I check my phone down to the cells before I give my thumbprint on a touchscreen and update the health records on one of our grosser patients.

Pissing rain on the way home. Just a carnival of lights, and my coat which does not smell like cigarettes pulled up tight around me. A thousand spectators, and I imagine they are open windows I can’t see in.

The same trailer playing on a loop as I jiggle the key to my apartment. The television is on inside. I am certain that I turned it off but these things are omnipresent. I watch the noise for awhile like the human flotsam of a prior age.

I shut the television off and check the thermostat before going to bed. My eyes register a red peripheral smear from my alarm clock. I shut my eyes and try to pretend the minutes on the display are not moving.

Monologue

“The worst thing about being the Doctor isn’t when the decisions are hard, it’s when the decisions are easy.

“An easy decision, I absolutely need to walk away, can hurt. I have to do a bad thing… it can destroy me. I have to do a good thing… oh sometimes that can be the worst one. Because sometimes the good thing is impossible. But it still needs to be done because it’s the right thing.

“And sometimes the easy decision is to do the right thing knowing I am going to fail.

“You can break your heart trying to save the universe. It’s so easy, all it takes is one person.

“Give me a hard decision any day. Those I can wrestle with. I’ll find an out, an angle. A way to deal or cheat or pull out a miracle by tacklign the problem any way but head-on.

“But the easy decisions, on a bad day… those can be the worst.”

Moment of Inertia

Mmm num ba de
Dum bum ba be
Doo buh dum ba beh beh

Queen, Under Pressure


LOOSE ITEMS SUCH as a pens, coins or tablets may be lethal. Please secure them carefully.’

The cadet next to him chortled. “What an understatement! With 8 G’s of acceleration a pen becomes a bullet.”

“One way to write your obituary.” Farrel zipped his storage bag shut. “Mag, is your hairclip pressure-fit or lock-up?”

“Lock-up of course. They warned us.”

Farrel gave her an awkward grin. He was still unsure how to act around girls but his fellow cadet didn’t seem offended.

Their flight instructor climbed up and down the vertical aisles, checking that each student was properly secured. Once complete he addressed the shuttle. “Okay Cadets! Now, as trainees of the Outer Planets Bureau, you are the best of the best — ”

This prompted a chorus of jeers from the students. The OPB was the fifth and least prestigious of the planetary bureaus. Everyone was here because they failed to get into the other four.

Read more: Moment of Inertia

(Except Farrel. The OPB had been his first choice.)

“On this training flight you will experience full acceleration and maneuvering forces — no internal dampening! This is to prepare you. Inertial compensators are wonderful devices for freighters and pleasure cruises, but during battle there is lag, and as fighter pilots you have to learn how to fly under G-forces.”

The cadet next to him leaned over and whispered, “We will be sore tomorrow.”

“To begin, a series of exercises….”

♌♌♌

Why can’t we leave the snow and ice and go out Father? And see other people and places?

Those words of his 6 year old self echoed as the rocket’s acceleration slammed Farrel into his seat. The cabin was filled with groans as the G-forces increased.

(Rockets were an anachronism in the modern era of anti-grav and massless thrusters. But some cargoes reacted badly to the exotic energy fields of such systems so Earth still maintained a few rocket shuttles.)
And because modern space fighters used vernier jets for maneuvers, training their pilots in one of those rockets sort of made sense.

(But mostly it was a fun method for torturing the cadets.)

Farrel, exerting great effort, raised his head enough to look out the shuttle’s window. He could see Antarctica below, blurry and too-bright.

Where my father is buried. It looks… small.

The rocket slammed them through various accelerations while the instructor ordered them raise their arms or enter commands in the control pad in front of their seat. One or two cadets passed out on the more extreme maneuvers.

The cadet next to him grimaced. “In a real fighter we would have compression suits to make this easier! You don’t seem to be having any trouble.”

It was true. “I grew up in a hard environment.”

“Wow, lucky you!”

Eventually their shuttle ascended into a high orbit and the crushing acceleration was replaced by microgravity — they were in freefall.

‘Cadets will uncouple in groups when directed for zero-gravity maneuvers.’

Farrel grinned as he watched his fellow students sail around the cabin. Kefyrzz, an orange-skinned Parapynid, was a hopeless klutz. The same double-dip vestibular system which gave his species incredible balance in gravity left him helplessly disorientated without it.

(There were over 900 worlds in the Galactic Alliance. The majority of the cadets from Earth were human but not all of them.)

A familiar blue face sailed up the aisle from behind him. “Well hello there!”

“Dafyd!” Farrel grinned at his best friend and reached out to touch his hand.

‘Cadet group Eta, uncouple and make your way forward.’

“Guess we can’t talk!”

“See you John!”

He wasn’t the best in micro-gravity, but he learned eventually and got satisfactory marks. He even got to do a zero-gravity dance with Dafyd, holding hands and swinging in a circle while the other cadets hooted.

“When I pull you tight…” the room spun, “we got faster!” laughed Dafyd.

Their instructor pointed. “That is a prime example of the conservation of angular momentum. When they get closer the moment of inertia decreases, so their angular velocity must increase! To slow the spin….”

They separated until their arms were as far apart as possible and they were spinning in a slow circle, grinning at one another.

“How do you feel cadet?”

“Dizzy!” said Farrel.

Kefyrzz shouted “I feel dizzy just watching you!”

All too soon they were told to return to their seats for the return trip.

“All the way to orbit just to go back to campus. Seems like a wasted opportunity.”

“No space station or warship will make time to give a tour to cadets from the Outer Planets Bureau.”

“True.”

A normal shuttle descent using aerobrakes would be just 1.7 G’s, but the academy once again wanted to torture the cadets so they were put through a series of high-speed turns to simulate atmospheric maneuvers in their fighters. Farrel endured them easily.

This has been a good day. he thought. Maybe tonight—

The entire shuttle bucked and shrieked and they were thrown into a violent spin! The lights went off.

“These drills are — ”

“This isn’t a drill!” he shouted.

The hull of the shuttle creaked as the spin continued. Electricity crackled on the exterior of the hull, momentarily lighting things through the windows. Then emergency lighting came back on, along with their system displays.

“What happened?”

“We struck something!”

“Something hit us!”

“Space debris!”

“Turn on the anti-grav!”

“This shuttle hasn’t got one dummy!”

Something hurtled down the aisle next to them at bullet-like speed before impacting with a wet crunch of the rear bulkhead. It was the instructor.

“Who — ”

“Mister Farquad!”

“Why did he unbuckle?”

“Can you get to him in the back?”

Farrel drew a breath. It was getting harder to do so. He could see Farquad’s empty chair and the railing which he must have been dragging himself along….

The cadet next to him asked “Is Farquad — ?”

“He’s dead. He was trying to get to the cockpit. The pilots aren’t correcting this spin.”

“Shit.”

There was a scream as another student fell from his seat and caught himself several rows later. He had made the same conclusion Farrel had and had gotten out of his seat.

“The cockpit is further from the center of spin than we are. They are pulling more G’s than we are.” Farrel unbuckled his restraints and braced himself against his chair.

“Oh God — the pilots have passed out!”

Another student fell down an aisle on the far side of the cabin. This one did not catch himself.

With effort Farrel crawled over his classmate until he was at the aisle. There was a handstrap here and he clung to it was a white-knuckle grip as the shuttle’s spin shifted and his legs lifted into the air!

For a moment he was dangling, supporting 5 or 6 times his own weight using just his arms. He could feel his muscles tearing! And then arms grabbed his legs, pulled them in, planted them against headrests. His classmates, helping him!

He took an enormous effort to climb to the next row of seats, flailing for the handstrap. The cadet used her own magnified weight to hold him in place while he let go of his safe handhold and flailed for the next.

“Thank you.” was all he could say.

One row at a time, Farrel picked his way up the inside of the aisle. His fellow cadets helped him all the way, bracing his feet and arms, pushing him on through every mighty step to a further aisle. Five rows. Six. Six more to go.

Farrel wasn’t the only cadet making the attempt. The littlest had the best shot — easiest for their compatriots to brace and push along, most immune to the oppressive cube-root of G-forces spinning the shuttle. One of them fell suddenly but was caught by the leg of his uniform and swung violently into the seats in the middle of the shuttle. His classmates dragged him to safety. He had broken his face but he was alive!

One of the girls in the front row was being supported by her classmates, leaning to grab the bar that could haul her towards the cockpit. She grabbed — and missed!

Farrel watched in horror as she went tumbling into space directly in front of him, accelerating impossibly fact directly towards him. He barely had time to brace himself.

She knocked him loose. His wrist, twisted in the handstrap, creaked and the bones moved wrong. He ignored the sound of her tumbling past him and flailed for a foothold — stepping on someone’s face — they grabbed his foot and steadied it there despite the pain and pulled himself back in!

Four rows left. Three.

Every centimeter was agony now. He would barely breathe. Some of the cadets had simply passed out or had their eyes rolled back in their heads as blood flowed away from their brains. Farrel took breaths and tensed his chest, forcing pressure up into his neck until his temples pounded and he was dizzy.

First row.

He didn’t take the route the falling girl had used. He went around the side, supported by his classmates around his legs and he crawled up stairs and over padded handrails. Was the gravity worse here?
He braced himself against the floor and took a few painful breaths.

I really shouldn’t know the instructor’s access code.

He reached up and keyed it into the cockpit door.

The door slid open and the unconscious body of the copilot fell out, bouncing across the railing and landing across the front row of cadets with a heavy thud. They managed to hold onto him.

“Not… a great sign.”

Farrel pulled himself up over the lip of the door and slammed the close button so he could stand on it.
Everything was uphill. Impossibly uphill. He sagged against the sideways bulkhead. The pilot was dangling limply from his seat.

Farrel breathed deeply, oxygenating his blood. He knew how to fly a fighter. All he needed to do was make the spin less bad and then the pilot could wake up. Get the oxygen in his brain, climb up there and then do something smart in the very short window before he passed out.

“Easy.”

Built in cabinets had handles. They broke under his many-times-magnified weight but when he distributed it over 4 at once they only creaked and bent so he slowly climbed up the side of the hallway towards the cockpit until he was at the controls and could scramble under the control panel, and then lever himself into to the empty co-pilot’s chair.

The radio was squawking at him. ‘Shuttle this is NEMEAN-1, please respond!’

“Shit they sent a lion?” The Nemeans were combat mecha. Fully capable of flight inside an atmosphere and ideally suited for a delicate situation like this where they might need to actually touch an out-of-control craft.

‘Glad you could joins us pilot.’

“Pilot’s blacked out. I’m a cadet.” He looked over the controls. There was an awful lot of red and non-responsive systems.

‘You have to slow the shuttle’s spin. You are rotating too fast for me to catch you.’

He caught a glimpse of a shadowy shape outside the cockpit, as the shuttle spun, an enormous combat mecha equipped with jets, quadrapedal feet and jaws. It could manipulate the shuttle, but not if it was spinning so fast that it ripped apart the moment they came into contact.

“Everything’s broken.”

‘Is there anyone else I can talk to?’

“Just give me a minute!” he snapped. Things were getting dark around the edges. “Attitude control is out. The fins are… gone. Maneuvering thrusters… empty.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the line. Then a firm command. ‘Do it anyway.’

“Yes sir.” The shuttle was a mess. Prior to the hit everything had been configured for these high-G maneuvers, not steady flying….

The mecha outside wasn’t just a Nemean, it was Nemean-1. The person at the controls was one of the best pilots in the Galaxy.

“You only need me to slow down the spin?”

‘Well if you don’t the shuttle is going to tear itself apart in 90 seconds when you hit the next atmosphere layer.’

“No pressure then.”

‘None at all.’
His arms were heavy but he reached out for one of the few control systems still working — the fuel pumps. There were fuel tanks in various locations around the shuttle. Right now the ones near the outside were empty and the ones near the center were mostly full. He set the pumps into motion to reverse that.

Slowly the shuttle’s spin began to slow. He found it easier to breathe. “I’m about 60 percent of the way there. Once this is done you’re going to have to try a grab.”

The pilot was starting to move a little.

‘Good work. What did you do?’

“A rocket ship has liquid fuel, right? So I pumped it to the the tanks nearest to the sides of the shuttle. You know; conservation of angular momentum. Just like putting your arms out to slow down when you’re spinning.”

♌♌♌